News Haikus #12, The Final Frontier, Space Dormrooms

Seems that finally we are preparing some really cool future stuff.
Mapping the Human Genome. BFD.
Finding alternative fuels. Ho fucking Hum.
A possible cure for cancer. Pass the potatoes.
Getting ready to send people to Mars for some stupid-assed reason. Yeah, baby!

From the NY Times

Staying Put on Earth, Taking a Step to Mars

By MICHAEL SCHWIRTZ

Published: March 30, 2009

MOSCOW — On Tuesday, six people will be voluntarily locked into a cloister of cramped, hermetically sealed tubes woven inside a Moscow research facility the size of a high school gymnasium. They will eat dehydrated food, breathe recycled air and be denied conversation with practically everyone else but one another.

Let's see goofy space
dudes kill each other off. Ah,
living in isolation

Pink......................Slip. Pink...............Slip. Pink .....Slip. Pink Slip.

Grover selling apples on the street for 5 cents.

To hell with GM, Bear Stearns, and Lehman Bros. The global economic crisis has finally hit us all where we live. The folks that taught us all to count to twenty in Spanish are feeling the crunch.

From the Chicago Sun-Times:

Recession forcing layoffs at Sesame Workshop

March 12, 2009

BY ASSOCIATED PRESS

NEW YORK---- The crisis on Wall Street is plaguing Sesame Street. Sesame Workshop, the nonprofit producer of "Sesame Street" and other kids' programs, is cutting about one-fifth of its work force because of the economic downturn.

The New York-based company said Wednesday that it's eliminating 67 of 355 staff positions.

Declaring it is "not immune to the unprecedented challenges of today's economic environment," the company pronounced a need "to operate with fewer resources in order to achieve our strategic priorities."

Haiku:
No marketable
skills, Grover's dealing powdered
sugar like it's smack.

Two questions:
1. What kind of fucking language is "...to achieve our strategic priorities" for sesame street?
2. Which Muppet will make the most money as a crack-addled prostitute?

News Haikus #8, & #9, Earth Crap & bonus, More Space Crap

Big news of the day, from the New York Times,

Madoff Goes to Jail After Guilty Pleas to All Charges

When Bernard L. Maddoff entered a federal courtroom in Manhattan on Thursday to admit that he ran a vast Ponzi scheme that robbed thousands of investors of their life savings, he was as elegantly dressed as ever. But, preparing for jail, he wore no wedding ring — only the shadowy imprint remained of one he has worn for nearly 50 years.
Make an exception.
Let broke investors take turns.
Kill by paper cuts.

By the way, it seems Gordon Gecko was wrong, greed don't seem so good anymore.

bonus...

From National Geographic News.

Seems that the folks aboard in ISS (international space station) had to evacuate in order to avoid some space junk about half and inch in diameter, which, traveling at 25,000 miles per hour or so, would make a pretty mess.Space Station Evacuated Due to "Red" Debris Threat

Anne Minard for National Geographic News

March 12, 2009

International Space Station crew members put the station on autopilot and evacuated to a space "life raft" briefly on Thursday to escape bombardment by a shower of debris.

In the end, the debris passed the space station without incident. But the evacuation provided a rare test of one of the plans to get the crew to safety if the station is struck.

Imagine, billions
gone if a coconut-size
thing happened along.

News Haikus # 7, Good Old Rush, Spreading the Word

Limbaugh Misquotes Constitution During CPAC Speech

from the Huffington Post


During his much-discussed keynote address at the Conservative Political Action Conference on Saturday, Rush Limbaugh accused Barack Obama of pursuing the "bastardization of the U.S. Constitution."

It was one of the more politically acidic notes in a speech defined by rambling political assaults. But the conservative talk show host wasn't exactly standing on firm footing. Just a few moments earlier he himself had actually -- not theoretically -- "bastardized" the Constitution by confusing it with the Declaration of Independence.

Rush, if the pills can
impede your heart attack, switch
to beer, you fat fuck.

Movie Fun

First of all, let me begin this post by mentioning that I do not even remember the movie the editors at NewsCorp went to this weekend. Something with Wolverine in it, I think. Anyway, the movie was not the coolest thing in the movies. As is frequently the case, the main attraction at "Blah Blah Blah" starring Wolverine without any steel claws extruding from the backs of his hands, was not the film itself, but the depth of weirdness that one can experience in a typical BQ theater.

We bought our tickets--after some line-cutting hy-jinks by the locals--and went to get some seats. I bought the Popcorn while LaFlaca went to save the seats, a move which wasn't necessary as we were two of literally five people in the joint, and I came in after the trailers had already begun.

So, fifteen minutes into the movie, two more people came in, and sat right in front of us, exactly, boom, bing, bang, right in front of us, in a fully empty theater. Ok, stadium seating, good angle, no hats, no turbans. No problem.

So, fifteen minutes later, Ewan McGregor is having sex or something--on screen--and a small family comes in and sits, I shit you not, immediately behind us, immediately, boosh, bish, bash, right behind us. Ok, no problem. Not too loud let, but here they are.

So, I'm watching the sex scenes in my little Hollywood blockbuster. Then, once there is no more nudity, I turn to my beautiful wife to whisper something dramatic and romantic, and POW, PING PANG the filthy sonofabitch sitting behind us has his grimey Goddamn naked feet on the top of her seat-back, touching her miscellaneous hairs. UGH. I don't know the correct word to type here. Fucking Disgusting.


So, I move my little family to other seats (telling the guy how disgusting he is during the move, to which he was completely disinterested)
Luckily for me, the movie wasn't Cassablanca, as I spent the rest of it staring daggers at this disgusting pig. That's when I noticed that he didn't have an arm, at least not an arm facing us. Then I felt bad. Wow, maybe this dude has no arms, And I just called him an uneducated, disgusting pig for putting his stinking feet on my wife's head. Maybe that's all he could do to keep the digits he eats with off the movie theater floor. Hmmmmm, Bad Fpp.

Then his phone rings. And he answers it. With a hand. Ha! OK! Good! So he has at least one hand and no excuse for putting his stinking fucking feet on my wife. I no longer felt bad. I wanted to throw stuff at him while he was on on the phone for two reasons 1. 'cause he was on his phone in a movie theater and 2. 'cause, with his one arm busy, he would have a real hard time dodging the thrown missiles.

Anyway, lesson learned. One arm is not a good enough excuse to put your gnarly feet anywhere near me or my wife's heads.

Oh, by the way, he took another call during the movie and MADE one himself, cementing his status as cool-ass dude.