Monday, May 25, 2009

News Haikus 16, Il's Science Experiment

It seems our Korean pal Kim Jung Il has been playing with his science set in the basement, blowing shit up.

From the NY Times

North Korean Nuclear Claim Draws Global Criticism

SEOUL, South Korea — News of North Korea's nuclear test on Monday drew condemnation and criticism around the world, with some governments threatening to press for tighter sanctions at a special meeting of the United Nations Security Council scheduled for later in the afternoon.
...
Hours after the latest test, the North test-fired three short-range, surface-to-air missiles, an official at the South Korean defense ministry said. The three missiles were launched toward the sea between North Korea and Japan and had a range of 80 miles, the official said, speaking on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to discuss the matter with the media. They were fired from two bases not far from the nuclear test site in northeast North Korea, he said.

Haiku:
Japanese folks must
wonder when someone else will
finally get nuked

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Swine Flu Pandemic? News Haikus 15


Having nothing of serious note to report, the trusted information disseminators at the major news networks have decided to bring up the bird flu again, and COMPARE it to the swine flu. If people stop panicking over something stupid. Make it more stupid. Just keep the dumb bastards scared. I am starting to think that whoever-it-is that manufactures those cool paper masks that people in China and Michael Jackson wear has some major-league lobbying power.

From ABC News....

Swine Flu vs. Bird Flu: Which Is the Greater Pandemic Threat?

As health officials around the globe continue to monitor the swine flu outbreaks that have occurred within the past month, comparisons with the periodic bird flu outbreaks over the past decade are difficult to avoid. Seems that some sorta cage match is called for, if you ask me.

Haiku:

When more folks have swine
flu than arena football
season tick's, panic!

THe Dinky Cronicles II, Bath Day

My wife now has everything she's ever dreamed of.
1. Nice Pad
2. Perfect Husband
3. World Peace
4. Well Mannered Puppy

Take a bite outa crime

Wait. My wife has one of those things. Our apartment is nice.
I think on day one, a week ago, she thought she was halfway there (having abandoned any hope for numbers 2 and 3). I am sure that now, even she, the patient, puppy-loving softy that she is, has come to consider cane-cide. Dr. Dinkus is truly an asshole.

There is nothing so relaxing on a Saturday morning as waking up at six thirty to a crying bedpost-biting dog, walking through a maze of five urine puddles and two poop-bombs in order to clean up the puddles and bombs with news-paper and then mop the floor, all while being bitten on the ankles by the one responsible for the poop and pee, which is being cleaned up. Then the mop is attacked. Then the ankles again. His little itty-bitty teeth sure are cute.



Ah, domestic bliss.


Retribution came in the form of giving Dinky his first bath, which, of course, he did not enjoy.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Domestication

I guess 2009 is the year I really, finally, completely moved on from College-aged Fpp.
Getting married was the first step, I guess. I brought the second step home yesterday morning, Mother's day, actually. Making La Flaca a mother, of sorts.

This is Dr. Dinkus Reichlin, PhD.

Dinky's Arrival

Bring on the kids and mortgage. Drive the nails in the coffin, anyone.

Sunday, May 03, 2009

The Worker's Celebrate. Ho Ho Ho and a Bottle of Rum

Colombia, like many other countries, celebrates the day of the working man (or woman) on May 1. And is there, really, any better way to demonstrate our solidarity with the plight of the world's workers than by dressing up as pirates, boarding an old sailing ship, drinking rum and mooning a Scientologist cruise ship?

Birds

The answer, obviously, is hell no! So we did just that. The entire Colombian community of gringoes appeared from parts as distant as Bogota, Bucaramanga, San Diego, and Santa Marta, nearly all in some goofy get-up. The editors of this fine instrument of reportage did their damnedest as well, although somewhat stretching the modern interpretation of "pirate," I think.

I don't need anything except this.

When the timer on the scoreboard finally sounded the end of the fourth quarter, the game had been won, and won handily, by team gringo. Most people made it back to beds. Daybreak met the unshaven, unruly, unkempt crew too early, but riders were arranged and people made it home okay, although it had begun to rain. So the dry season is over in BQ. Let the arroyo assault begin anew.

Feliz day of the Trabajador, amigos.
FPPInternational