Along with gunpowder and chopsticks, something else to learn from the Chinese

Thank you, Yahoo! News for posting the best news headline I have seen in a long while:

China cracks down on striptease funerals

Here's an exerpt:

Strip shows have been commonly used to attract more mourners to funerals, as villagers believe a crowded send-off brings more honor to the deceased, Xinhua news agency said.

It just seems right, doesn't it?
Now, what with all that yuan up for grabs, I have two reasons to attend Chinese funerals. Act now, supplies limited.

Photos from Chris Davis. The Killing Fields

C.Davis, the Conga-King of Barranquilla got hisself a snazy little sommbitch of a camera, so he's camerizing and photographing silly shit. check out these here links and you will be in the running for a brand new set of snowman salt and pepper shakers or a new buick lasabre. Enter early, enter often.

Bowling with the Pins

I think this is pretty self-explanatory.

and Yes, that is a panda head stretched over the top of his bowling pin costume.

Blast from the Past

Alex der Frauline, Barranquilla's German princess sent FPPInternational a cd filled with pics from the most recent gig at Flashbacks, which was in the middle of June.
Der Frauline takes better pics than the paid photogs at FPPInternational, so why not post 'em.

Included here are Erica, my co-worker, and I rocking out to a Madonna tune.




Der Frauline with La Mona Alta and the singer for The WifeBeaters, Adele.





FPP with Palanges, a true frankothon.





An addition of some note, to the band, is Todd, our vermonter Trumpeteer, who is like The Rocketeer sans Jennifer Connelly.




I have very little to add other than we (the WifeBeaters) have also recently purchased a violin (which is similar to a fiddle, as I understand it) player, which means we'll finally be able to play "Come on Eileen," the song, not the game.

Secret Mel Gibson - Hezollah link

Mel has been working for Hezbollah. Saddam recently linked info that he personally advised Mel in how to properly grow a good "jew-hater" (that's the offical beard of Hezbollah and other parties). FPPInternational's team of crack reporters located the email from Mel to Saddam (both parties were in jail at the time; Mel's cell had Evian and Wi-Fi) which read:

melbvhrtoscar@hollywoodouchebags.com
to
sadhistboomboom1@aol.iq

SH... thanks 4 the info. "j-h" coming in nicely. striped like yrs. I will let HEZ. know to send some rockets south. hope all is well in jail. here it's not too bad.

CU L8R

;) Mel

Floyd's keeping up his end

Floyd Landis, this year's miraculous winner of the Tour de France has again tested positive for steroids. Hmmmmmm. His reaction is to appeal the decision. Of course. I think that congratulatory phone call from the white house included more than just a "nice win, floyd. you sure look svelte in that green bike racing suit." I guess the powers that be in washington counseled our 'roid floyd on how to handle pesky little problems like being found out. Deny it, baby. say it was a beer. say that spanish sonofabitch had a weapon of mass destruction up his ass. say you produce artificial steroids naturally. say you are a mutant crimfighter (that would explain the suit). say anything, it doesn't matter. no one is held accountable for lying anymore. Our 'Roid Floyd, getting at a zit. FPPinternational's advice, "turn your fucking cap around, Floyd!"

btw floyd. if that beer thing works, how come i am pretty sure I am not going to be kicking any athletic ass this morning (this morning being saturday, last night being friday)? I drank my beer last night!

The End of Summer

Since I got a new coconut monkey and a bookcase, I suppose it can be extrapolated that I made it back home after being away for a month or so (35 grueling days). And nothing makes the experince more Grueling than airports. I hate nearly all of them, none more than Chicago's O'Hare. From June 20th to July 25th, I spent significant time in BAQ (twice), MIA (twice), DIA, SEA (twice), ORD (nine hateful hours), and YYZ (twice). First of all, I would think a city the size of Toronto could get a better code, but I guess you can't have that tall pointy thing, the sky-dome AND an easy airport code. So I spent a lot of time in airports, I read a bunch [a Johnny Cash bio, a Bukowski novel (Post Office) and a bio of Ghengis Khan], and I watched a bunch of TV on my computer. Computers have now made airports (even Chicago's) bearable. But only because Deadwood exists. I am not a fan of the TV. I think it is generally really fucking stupid, and I don't own one and haven't really watched the thing with any regularity since Monica Lewinsky was the main news story. And when I do see what other people watch on it, I do not miss the idiocy of the thing, (although I am often drawn to the damn thing like a mosquito.) I have never seen a minute of the Sopranos, nor American Idol, nor Survivor, and have promised to aviod them like the plague. But I have seen Deadwood, as a matter of fact I just finished the second season and if all of TV were as good as this stuff, I would sleep with the damn machine. And although it may not be the best thing to watch with your grandmother (unless she like hearing the words "cocksucker" and "cunt" alot), it is without a doubt the best goddamn cocksucker of a show i have ever seen. All I want to do now is grow up to be an Al Swearengen stooge: get slapped around, cut people's throats, drink whiskey for breakfast, and shout the most outlandishly perfect lines of dialogue that have ever been written for TV. Bonanza times The Godfather plus MacBeth times a porno movie, how could you not love this fucking cocksucker?

Home Improvements

I finally got back to BQ to discover that La Flaca had purchased me the two gifts that refusing to stop giving: a coconut monkey and a negrita nalgona. Placing them amongst my mess produced objections about how I live in a state of disorden (disorder, messiness) (and I had only been in country for an hour and a half or so.) Be that as it may, I decided to build a bookcase, even though my cache of books is right pitiful. Nonetheless, I took some measurements, made some drawings and took a trip to Home Center and purchased me some pine, screws, varnish, and got to sticking stuff together.

I chose to basically build the thing in two parts and stick the two parts together, which worked out pretty well. My favorite part of this is that the picture of the two parts has funky lines in it, which I will interpret for you. These lines signify that FPP's trusty Minolta Dimage finally crapped the hell out, as far as I can tell, forever, and has become a piece of useless tin with PrintClub photos on it. So the last couple pics are from the Panasonic camcorder, which does not capture quite the pics that the minolta did, but at least the little lights start a-glowing when i hit the "on" button.
Life goes on for everyone except el Minolta. So things got all screwed together and the stuff has started getting sorted out on the bookcase. If you have any suggestions as to what a civilized person puts on a bookcase lemme know.