Goddamnit.Remember the shoe-bomb guy back in Dec. of 2001?Remember before the shoe bomb guy when going to the airport didn't mean you needed to have clean socks on?That shoe bomb guy was responsible for me having to take my shoes off in the airport.
Now we have this other jackass from Nigeria. And thanks to him now there are other levels of security, longer waits and no moving around the plane when it's zipping about.The New York Times just informed FppInternational of new flight restrictions being initiated by Homeland Security...Things like staying in your seats when the plane is in US airspace. I have a small bladder, dammit!
No laptops on your laps. Well what the fuck are they called laptops for?
Anyway, here's my damned Haiku, written above Mexican airspace.
Homeland Security Playing defence, watching the layup, then jumping
BTW...If you only have time for one link choose the Nigerian jackass one, it's pretty well done. BTW2...Forty posts in 2009. Returning from the brink of disaster to bore you all over again.
Like past Xmases, we commemorated the re-unification of various idols and the commercial celebration of the populace's ability to spend spend spend by spending the day at the beach. Same beach, same Xmas.
Only this year, of course, Dinky came along to bark at the water and poop in the sand.
This Xmas has been quite adventureless, what with me having a cold and all, which ain't fun.
The staff at FppInternational would like to officially hope y'all are having a great holiday season and ask you to join us in a prayer to elicit something exciting in the near future for said staff, so these damn posts pick up a little.
Really, how many dog pictures can people look at before there is some sorta bloody revolution?
One month ago the editors at FppInternational had the following reasons to like Tiger Woods:1. He's the greatest golfer in the world. How much "liking" that gets from FppI: .005%. We do not care about golf. We do not care about golfers. It's a boring frustrating game for fat, rich old men.
2. He's a complete corporate whore, shilling everything from Buicks to Nike feces to Anal Lube. How much "liking" that gets from FppI: .00000001%. He's a class-A douchebag.
Consensus: Fuck Tiger Woods.
Now however, Tiger has become a more, shall we say, interesting character on the world stage.There are now things about him to be liked.For example: 1. From now on when you have a smash up with your rig, you can tell the cops when you'll be willing to talk to them. "Yeah, sure, officer, I would love to come down to the station, but I am playing with my Wii. I'll come along in three or four days with my lawyer to explain why I drunkenly smashed into that Dunkin Doughnuts." Thank you, Tiger. You have established a great president there. I will deal with the authorities now only on my own terms. Awesome. How much "liking" that gets from FppI: 22%. We can all be Tiger, we can all tell the cops to get bent while we figure out some bullshit exit strategy.
2. Mr. Wholesome Disneyland Gosh and Heck gets to bang cocktail waitresses all over the free world. There's nothing wholesome about me. I get to do some really crazy sick shit with goats and midget trapeze artists from the former Soviet Union How much "liking" that gets from FppI: 44%. We don't have to worry about anything anymore, not any morality or religious/socially instilled ideas of respect or decency. We get to do whatever the fuck we want as long as we can afford it. Which for the editors at FppInternational means watching Cinemax after 11:45 pm.
Tiger is now up there with Dick Butkus, Lawrence Taylor and Lou Pineda. He's on the fast track to becoming a decent guy.
So, when Tiger was leaving Australia (no doubt after a liason with a Kangaroo cocktail waitress), he was talking about how great his life was and all that. Then, a scant few days later, he's deeply sorry and needs time to consider his actions. SUCH BULLSHIT. He's only sorry he got caught. And got caught like such an asshole too. I hope his wife really beat the crap out of him.
BTW. This Taiwanese thing is awesome beyond description.
HAIKU:
I am rich and known. I do anyfuckingthing. Swedish chicks are tough.
Feeling Guilty about not posting since the Carter administration, FppInternational.com now features back-to-back December posts.
OK. So, basically the lives of all the employees here at FppInternational have been revolving around one little brown and white thing over the last seven months. No, not Good Luck Fucking that Chicken, nor Driving in Jamaica. Our journalistic lives and integrity are solidly centered on all things Dinky. But just how many goddamn pictures can be taken of a stupid dog?
If my wife has anything to say about it, plenty.
So, we had the brilliant idea of getting either reindeer antlers or a santa hat on Dinky and taking some pictures and sending them out at Christmas time and all that. I don't think the antlers were in the house for 24 hours before they were eaten. The hat at least made it a couple days, but has yet to actually sit on the sneaky little bugger's cranium.
So, happy holidays, and don't expect too much from Colombia this year, as all gifts are eaten or smashed or peed on by the time they are wrapped.
Ok, kids, like the sequel to Twilight, this post is well worth the wait.
Well, I guess not. Like, New Moon, this post is gonna suck.It seems that three months have come and gone with nary a BQ Gringo event.Our basketball team got beat a bunch, and we didn't dress up for Halloween.We are, however, still alive, and as the holidays approach with their delicious vacation time, the Editors at FPPInternational promise new, exciting and ground breaking news from BQ. BTW...seems Tiger Woods has a penis that he likes to show off to lotsa girls. and Micheal Jackson is still dead.
