MMXI, Year of the "Are you shitting me?"

A year ago, I began the decade being bitten on my ass, and that's bad. This year, the bite was in a slightly more tender location.

Disolve to six months ago

FPP celebrates birthday 40. Which is good, as FPP has never been one to cherish the age of ignorance and stupidity. He is, however one who believes, in his psuedo-conscious, that as he gets older, he'll stop doing stupid stuff. FPP is often wrong, and slightly delusional. But anyway, not too worried about becoming an older guy.

So, first thing, on the morning of January 1, 2011, FPP is in line at the West Seattle Safeway, buying a couple bottles of relatively cheap champagne for Mimosas for the Weatherpeople's annual 1/1 recovery brunch. FPP finds the shortest Safeway checkout line and approaches, the woman who is there, putting her groceries on the conveyor-belt-thing, looks up at FPP and says, "Hurry, put them here, put them down." FPP does nothing, but looks kinda confused. Is she gonna pay for his sparkling wine? FPP looks dumb. "Oh, sorry," woman says, "I thought you were my father."

OK. Hold on. This girl could have been 18 or 21, you're saying, making a 40-year-old FPP a possible father, right?

BULLSHIT. She was at least 40, and when the father finally appeared (by this time FPP was in the neighboring line, having no desire to hear any fucking explanations), the guy was like 80. GODDAMIT, really? That guy?

Anyway, another year starts with another bite in the ass, only this time, no trip to the emergency room was required. I'd love to go on, but I have to change my fucking diapers.

Kisses to all, Happy 2011